The perils and dilemmas of the anonymised blog

Much of this afternoon was spent writing my last post. And now, having sent it out into the world I am a little deflated. I recognise this phenomenon as one I have experienced before – and the more time you spend thinking and crafting, the stronger the feeling.

My blog is for me really – as so many say. But I cannot deny the bit of me that would appreciate it if even a small level of attention and response comes through occasionally (even if on the other hand I also recognise my own weakness in being afeared of and quailing at criticism). If I really wanted it to be read by no-one no doubt I could choose to write but not publish (even acknowledging the reality that “publishing” makes me parse, edit and craft my writing, rather than just spewing out words as they fall).

However, my dilemma now is that my last post was actually quite important to me. And I’d sort of like some family and friends to be able to read it if they would like to. But I’ve set up this blog and this Twitter to enable some confidentiality and anonymity around my adoption stuff. So … do I tell folk in “real life” it is here? I do have a (somewhat unexciting and very dormant) blog in “real life” too – should I have posted my last article on there instead? But the story it tells is linked into my adoption life too and actually it feels right to share it here. (This dilemma of where to write is part of why I have only just got around to writing it at all on either blog!)

In the past I have never been good at having categories and boxes in my life – pretty well all my friends and family know each other; and I like it that way. My life is a fairly open book, and I really know no other way of being. As such, one of my worries around blogging and twitter and adoption has from the start been how I will manage this issue. I am not surprise it has arisen so quickly, and suspect it will, until I somehow resolve it, come up again and again. I have been so much loved and supported in my journey towards adoption by my family friends, that I also feel I want them to be able to accompany me as I travel. On the other hand, one day – everything crossed – there will be small person(s) in my life who truly will need me to keep their intimate stuff private, and their personal lives confidential: it was that thought process that launched me on this path in the first place.

The way I feel now – and being true to myself – I suspect I will in fact soon start sharing that this blog exists with those family and friends and I will have to deal with the other challenges later – after all they are amazing enough to be willingly be accompanying me on this journey and even offering to make it a part of their own journeys too … and it would honour their commitment to me I feel to share with them my thoughts as I travel on.

However, as I ponder still and have not yet acted, do any of you have views in the meantime – would sharing be the wrong thing to do? How have others navigated this? What can I learn from those of you so much wiser than me? Your patient student awaits your hopeful tuition …

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About Pedalling Solo

I am a potential adopter in the UK, going it alone as they say. Somehow I've worked my way through lots of paperwork, done lots of learning, become an approved adopter, and navigated matching (hopefully). I am very much learning as I go. This blog is my opportunity to share my learning and experiences and maybe some random musings as I go along as well.
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7 Responses to The perils and dilemmas of the anonymised blog

  1. Fiona says:

    You can’t do it alone! I had one or two people I shared profiles with, both were my referees, it helped me keep balance and objectivity! Wouldn’t have my little one now if it wasn’t for the reality check one of them gave me! They have to be some one you trust implicitly and I chose not to go to a family member! Now she is with me, I don’t need to share so much but there are days when i just need to off load! That’s what a best friend is for.
    Hope this helps

  2. onroadtoadopt says:

    I have a couple of real life friends & family who know my blog and read it (plus my husband) but otherwise kept it fairly much to myself but that is in part because of the way I am. Those who do know have been directed to it by me on the whole and know the importance of keeping things separate. The one person who I know in RL who I communicate with on twitter via my adoption user name is also an adopter so is one of our support network anyway. But it is difficult – but a minefield in some ways I am used to travelling due to my career as I try to keep personal and work stuff separate.

    • Thanks, it is really helpful getting a sense of what everyone finds works for them or indeed doesn’t. I think I will be telling those closest to me about my blog soon because it does feel like a journey that they are along the ride for as well – but I do think I will be quite judicious about it too.

  3. I know what you’re saying. I originally set my blog up specifically for family and friends (many of whom live hundreds of miles away) and only discovered the online community afterwards. I did it anonymously because of the foster caring. And yes, occasionally I do want to say something that I’d rather people who actually knew us didn’t read! But usually, I’m glad that I can’t because, on reflection, most of the time it’s better left unsaid. And if I really need to vent, or ask advice without family and friends seeing it all, then The Adoption Social have A Problem Shared and The Blog where you can get it all off your chest anonymously (or not) on someone else’s blog instead of cluttering up your own!

  4. montyla says:

    I have a small amount of friends I have shared my blog with, but only two of them (to my knowledge) actually read it/ have commented that they read it, and they are friends I don’t get the chance to meet up with as often as I would like. I put it out there with that small group so they could be fully aware of what it had taken to have my child/ren placed with me, if I get that far…sadly they’re just not that interested in reading it – they prefer the verbal account! If I get to/past panel then I may let others know it exists, but again in my case, there’s still no guarantee they’ll want to read!

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