Today I had a plan. Alongside some housework and other such excitements I was going to spend some time “writing stuff down” to help support my forthcoming sessions with my social worker.
Today what I actually did was tweet a little, surf online rather a lot, and spend much time reading other adopter’s blogs. I think pretty well all the blogs I read today were written by those already matched and living with their children, and recounting their experiences, their emotions, their tangles, their joys, their challenges, their pain, their patience, their love.
The love shines through.
Yet so, over and again, does the tiredness, the sense of defeat, the worry, the ache.
My own emotions have today travelled the same journey. I am sure of my path, but I am also so so aware of the many potholes and the floods along the way, and the way that these spring up without warning (yes a topical metaphor for once!). It has been like an addiction as I went from one blog to another, one timeline to a second.
It has definitely been a day of learning as well as of reading. A day of hope; a day of trepidation; a day of insight.
Above all, today has been a day when I have, again, questioned whether I can do this and whether I can do it alone. I am so grateful to all the adoptive parents who have helped me again to think and to challenge my own assumptions. I recognise that asking these questions of myself is vital. I shall continue to look inwards as well as outwards, and to question myself as well as seeking input from others.
Learning, reading, thinking: a great triumvirate that are no match for experience but will hopefully mean I will at least enter the world of experience with vicarious wisdom and knowledge among my foundation stones. Thank you all for sharing.