I am a fairly obedient type person, and therefore when the #WASO theme for the week was named as FRIENDS I started to think if I had a contribution to make.
I read a few other blogs. I pondered.
I posted on Twitter. I pondered.
I faffed around on the boards at Adoption UK. I pondered.
I couldn’t post on the wonders, trials, frustrations, challenges of adoptive children’s friendships – but I have learned much to ponder in future months and years (I hope).
I couldn’t post, not really, on the way in which (so everyone tells me) your friendship network mutates entirely once you become an adoptive parent – although I kind of am nonetheless!
And what I realised I could do, and wanted to do, was to post about my amazing friends as they are today.
And so, this is my chance to pay tribute. I do appreciate the reality that some of my current friends and support network are likely to find the frustrations of a PedallingSolo immersed in the world of adoption rather more of a drain (and no doubt a tired distracted drain too!) than the previous person they used to know.
Nevertheless I am secretly hopeful that I will be lucky in adoption as others are lucky in love.
For to date, I have been very lucky in this adoption journey in the reactions and support of my friends (and in my colleagues at work). Without exception my news has been greeted positively, and pretty well always with excitement. Those who I have been closest to for a long time, or have ridden with me my more recent emotional roller coasters, have been more than positive: they have been enthused, supportive, delighted. I have been offered congratulations, support, backing, interest and understanding. Usually I scrabble to follow up my initial sharing of my “news” with hasty explanations that I am only just setting out on a very long journey without a map, that I may get turned back at any time, that there are many hurdles that I cannot even see yet let alone the ones that are to come should I be privileged enough to be matched. They nod, accept, listen, reassure and tell me I have their support regardless. Already my friends are used to me throwing words like attachment and PACE into every conversation, adding in “touch wood” to every mention of a possible future in which I will no longer be a One but a One Plus, and answering every polite enquiry about what I’ve been up to with chatter about my most recent training or my concerns as to whether I am testing the boredom threshold of my Social Worker a step too far.
Throughout life, in my experience, our friendships do indeed change, grow and mutate. Some friendships are short-lasting but intense; new experiences bring new friends, while others drift or slowly disappear; while some friends are just always there, a reliable, invariably present foundation for everything in your life – visibly present every day for a week then perhaps barely seen at all for a year: but there, in the most fundamental way, always.
Already I feel privileged that I am building new friendships – yes that includes you any of you wonderful online buddies reading this – but I am also so proud to be committed to and supported by my current friends too. You may not be reading this (or you may be!) but you do, I hope know how grateful I am to you. And you. Yes and you too.
So to all my friends:
I have been so touched by your support and your love. You have been so much already of making me who I am today, and thus being part of my story. If you are able to be carry on being part of my story as it becomes shared with my children’s story (touch wood!) – well I will be even more delighted to share with you this great next adventure.
Thank you to you all.