Understanding your productivity & motivation: A self-assessment questionnaire for prospective adopters

One is encouraged, as a prospective adopter, to carry out much research. Understand your relationship/fertility history, revisit your own traumas, talk through your childhood – yep, absolutely. Get lots of experience with children – indeed. Attachment disorders, ASD, developmental trauma – crikey, definitely better read up on all of those. Consider finances, health & safety, space in the home – ok, done that.

And so the list goes on.

What they don’t tell you is that really, there are a few other things you should be considering. So here’s a short self-assessment questionnaire to help you with just one aspect of your evaluative and developmental journey.

Understanding your productivity & motivation: A self-assessment questionnaire for prospective adopters


PART ONE: ASSESSMENT

(A) When you have an evening when you aren’t actually totally knackered, you theoretically have had an ok few days, and you should therefore have some resilience finally, do you:

  1. Sensibly evaluate what really needs to be done, race through essential chores, go to bed as you realise it is likely that you will be joined by a rather sleepless co-sleeper and overall even if you feel ok right now underneath you definitely need sleep more than anything or …
  2. faff around, achieve nothing, procrastinate on social media, wander around the house a bit but mostly sit idly on the stairs on your phone, snack on and off on a range of random not particularly inviting but just sitting there foodstuffs, and spend a bit – well ok a lot -more time on social media when mostly in fact you just refresh rather than even interacting with anybody, all before probably going to bed rather later than is wise?

(B) If your child has gone to sleep early, because you started bedtime straight after dinner and despite protests and tears it still worked (pudding having been forfeited for eating biscuits while dinner being cooked) do you:

  1. use the time thus gained to tidy up the mess around the place quickly and remake your bed so at least that necessary task is done, and then you can have a nice evening just for you where you feel you’ve had some good restorative self-care time or …
  2. faff around, achieve nothing, procrastinate on social media, wander around the house a bit but mostly sit idly on the stairs on your phone, snack on and off on a range of random not particularly inviting but just sitting there foodstuffs, and spend a bit – well ok a lot -more time on social media when mostly in fact you just refresh rather than even interacting with anybody, all before probably going to bed rather later than is wise?

(C) When you realise that earlier in the day your answer to “what are your plans for the weekend” was “we don’t have any really” do you:

  1. recollect all the advice re close supervision, structure, planning, back-up ideas and balanced activities and interactions, and sit down and put together a more ambitious (but still calmly structured and balanced) programme, with a slightly less ambitious (with more downtime and sensory focus) agenda to refer to as necessary, with a fallout backup plan complete with a range of instantly prepped low-demand activities (including options that enable high physical release, options that are sofa-based, options that build in effective food and water intake with the least likelihood of control battles) or …
  2. faff around, achieve nothing, procrastinate on social media, wander around the house a bit but mostly sit idly on the stairs on your phone, snack on and off on a range of random not particularly inviting but just sitting there foodstuffs, and spend a bit – well ok a lot -more time on social media when mostly in fact you just refresh rather than even interacting with anybody, all before probably going to bed rather later than is wise?

 

PART TWO: EVALUATION

Note both your answers and how strongly you felt they were true to you.

Should you have all (1) answers, and you are slightly baffled (albeit in a very nice, earnest, attempting to understand everyone because yes we’re all different, so of course it takes all sorts, kind of way) why anyone would ever have any (2) answers then:

YES YOU ARE NOW APPROVED TO ADOPT. Good luck, you will be required to access internal resources and resilience and strengths you have never previously been aware you have, but you will also find rewards and beauty and love and depths of intersubjective relationship (sorry? you haven’t yet attended a full therapeutic parenting course and aren’t sure what means? Well no worries, given your general brilliance you’ll probably have written the book on the subject before you have a child living with you …) at a level you have never previously encountered.
Should you have plumped for (1) answers but had to admit to that (2) answers had a sneaky attraction although you yourself would never of course be able to live in such a way then:

YOU ARE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO BEING APPROVED TO ADOPT. Good luck. The road is hard and long but you will make it and you will look back at this moment and you may even find you have a wry grin and realise why actually it wasn’t ever in your assessment after all.

If you aren’t quite sure that you’ve ever had an evening in your relatively sane, normal life to date, when you could honestly have even given a nod towards anything related to an (a) answer but hey (b) sounds like this adoption malarkey will be just the life for me then: 

YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT A GENUINE PROSPECTIVE ADOPTER. You should now go and write a pointless blog post rather than doing anything that might in any way be useful, helpful or indeed take you in the direction of that sleep you identified as a key priority several hours ago.

PART THREE: NEXT STEPS

If you are still reading you probably EITHER:

  • have a child who is only just showing signs of finally giving up the battle and going to sleep and you are too tired to be discriminatory about what you are reading and somehow you started this so you’re just reading on regardless, with most of your brain listening in the vain hope you’ll hear genuine sleeping noises rather than footsteps / chat / throwing noises …  in which case <<< GROUP HUG >>>  …
  • OR you are a number 2 person and this just happens to be the latest in your long evening of pointless prevaricatory options … in which case <<< GO TO BED >>> …
  • OR you are reading on as you are slightly awed as to how long this waffle can continue and that other people’s lives are clearly so amazingly weird they not only apparently read but even worse *write* this stuff … in which case <<< YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL TO KNOW THIS IS VERY NEARLY THE END … >>>


PART FOUR: FINAL WORDS

Congratulations! You have finally, gentle questionnaire completer, reached the end of your evening’s assessment. I am delighted to confirm you have demonstrated fully your capacity to deal with the bewildering, the disconcerting and the often downright silly. This demonstrates, whatever your answers above, that in fact you probably undertook this quiz under false pretences as you are not really a prospective adopter at all but are probably someone already spending most of your life in that alternative universe entered by so many who embark on adoptive parenting.

I hope at least it made you smile 🙂

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About Pedalling Solo

I am a potential adopter in the UK, going it alone as they say. Somehow I've worked my way through lots of paperwork, done lots of learning, become an approved adopter, and navigated matching (hopefully). I am very much learning as I go. This blog is my opportunity to share my learning and experiences and maybe some random musings as I go along as well.
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2 Responses to Understanding your productivity & motivation: A self-assessment questionnaire for prospective adopters

  1. B3longBlog says:

    This did really make me smile. Thank you 🙂

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