I’ve had the last week off work. And we’ve done very little. And tomorrow I go back to work.
So how come Sunday evening is when I finally decide to do some sorting out, get papers together, and tidy up my room (it’s the house dumping ground, and the place we both clamber around in in the dark most nights – a combination best not contemplated too closely).
There are also aIl sorts of home admin things that need doing but haven’t got done this week. I have work that it would really really help if I looked at before tomorrow. I should be going to bed because in the morning we both need to be up and out too early regardless of how bright we may not be.
Clearly therefore this is the moment to re-energise my blog. I’ve been running ideas around in my head all week and then even more all day. I have as always too many or too few ideas – it is strange how those two opposites elide into each other. But as the evening draws on I realise that actually, just now, I simply want to get myself writing again. Content can wait another day.
I’m a deadlines person. Always have been. Suspect I may always be.
I’d love not to be. I’d love to be one of those who is always prepared months in advance. Or at least days. In fact hours would be great, often. However, I now know myself well enough to also recognise that deadlines get things done in my world and that therefore they are useful. Stressful, anxiety-inducing, sleep-depriving: all that. But useful too.
So why did I want to write today?
Because actually I do want to get my act together and blog more. I want to find ways to manage and resolve my fears around anonymity and transparency and openness. I want to overcome my own retreat to the safety of silence (recognising that in fact that may be nothing but cover for being in homage to the gods of procrastination and laziness).
I know the simple truth that only way to write is to get on and write.
And so this is a new start. I am writing. I tweeted earlier today that I would blog if I could, though I carefully added that I made no promises! Yet it appears it was deadline enough.
It’s good to be back.